there and back again

The Crying Time

I have to cry so I can sleep

so I don’t pace the room,

like a shell abandoned

and beaten up against the shore.

I want the strong and warm to hold me,

So I don’t drift away in the tide.

I want to breathe in between the breaths

of the strong and warm and soft.

I don’t care if my strong protector

is not so strong.

because I love you and I don’t care

my love can hold us both,

until the rest has long been gone.

Do you remember when you were mine and I was yours?

when I was happy like the sunlight dancing

on the rippled waters?

When the waves just teasing

didn’t try to drown?

Remember when you held my hand.

My heart beat slow, and it ached and wailed inside of me.

You pulled me to the sun, and I danced there.

But you let me go, up there in the sky

under the moon, no stars in the night.

Now I wax and I wane, 

each moment a change,

there’s burning in the crux at my ribs and it scares me.

and it’s cold and dark and I miss you.

The fire will burn up my bones, 

sear my flesh inside me.

the tears will put it out, I think.

and my wailing takes its air.

I have to cry so I can sleep.

My tears are clouds 

getting lost in the deep.

I have to cry so I don’t die,

So I don’t burn up, still alive.